So you've deleted the dating apps... now what?

Reflections on life after the dating apps!

On January 1st, I made a promise to myself that I would not use dating apps for the entire year. This was part of a wider effort to reduce my screen time, which in the strange limbo period between Christmas and New Year rose to ungodly amounts. Anyone who has been on the apps for an extended period of time will understand the desire to get rid of the apps—the soul-destroying yet strangely addictive swiping binges, turning up for a date only to be catfished thanks to some very flattering angles. I’ve tried various approaches—focusing on one person at a time, throwing the bait out to as many as possible only to get overwhelmed and end up with an inbox of messages that I leave unanswered. Ultimately, we’re not made to make judgements about people from a photo and slightly cringe caption on a screen.

But are the apps a necessary evil? I suppose one way or the other, we’ll find out.

I am viewing this year as an experiment. My hypothesis, is that since nothing good for me has ever come from dating apps, abandoning them this year will not negatively impact my love life. On an optimistic level, it might even increase my openness to in-person interactions that might progress romantically, or at least up my resourcefulness in seeking them out (more easily said than done as an introvert).

So, how’s it going so far?

January went by insanely quickly. Perhaps for the first time in my, life I broke someone else’s heart, which felt weird and quite unpleasant (although not as unpleasant as being the dumpee). All in all, that situation had been quite intense, and the dating apps were far from my mind. I distracted myself with work and a gradually increasing array of hobbies—I have recently taken up knitting, resurrected my old commonplace book and have read a great many romance novels to help inspire places for potential meet-cutes.

But then, one weekend where I had no plans, one of those that you intentionally keep free because your social battery is desperately in need of recharging but leaves you feeling kind of lonely by the time it gets to Saturday night and you’ve done everything on your to-do list and knitted 20 rows on your sweater-vest, I started to feel it. The urge to re-download the dating apps. Surely it wouldn’t hurt, I thought, just to see who’s out there. After all, I’d been told that January Hinge is good.

What also didn’t help was my friend from work going on her first ever Hinge date, and coming back smitten. They’ve been texting ever since, and I enjoyed being consulted (as everyone’s loyal single friend) about when and how to suggest their next meet-up. It should be noted, I am definitely NOT someone to give advice on these matters given my track record. Despite the temptation, I held firm. Instead, I texted a couple of past situationships (probably worse) to manufacture a bit of excitement in my love life. I’m going on a date with one next week… oops. I’ve also booked a last minute holiday with my best friend, so there’s lots to look forward to. Another holiday romance perhaps? Resurrection of my old situationship? Exciting stuff.

So, those are all my updates for now of my no-dating-app year! Hope you enjoyed. <3